Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I dont cope well with these things

yeah well...
i've been so busy with my life- pushing forward, work, starting the university, studying, living my own life...
i constantly forget that i'm not alone, that i have family, family that i neglect.
well i just got the news that my great aunt died.
she was a big part of my childhood, and took care of me and my cousins...
she was diagnosed with Alzheimer about a year ago, and i haven't visited her prior to that.
last time i saw her was at a family member's wedding.

i do this all the time, i constantly push aside my relatives, i keep telling myself there will be time for visiting, next weekend, next month, next year, when i get discharged, when i start studies, after the tests....
but she's one more person in my life that i'm not gonna be able to hear or see again.

it's a fucked up world where the most important thing doesn't even have a value, where family is great but relatives and 25 cents can only get you a cup of coffee.

i never got around to understanding it, maybe that's why i distance myself from my family? maybe i think that if i get too attached i wont be able to bear the pain? 2 of my friends have lost their dad, i couldn't even imagine being in their shoes, yet i hardly speak to my own father, my excuse is that he's far away, in the states.

i think it's time i stop waiting for the right time to visit, to call, to see. i think i should just go and see my family, or at least call them up.

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